prologue – no more words.

September 29, 2007

I have had one class with Raj since The Class.

I sat through the whole class in stony silence.

It doesn’t seem like a very strong way to express my dissatisfaction or dissent, but it was more gratifying than you could imagine.  To Raj’s credit, he was really making an effort to involve the class more than he ever had.  He was asking us questions and not in the vague and unhelpful way that most teachers here do – “So what do you think about (insert capitalism, democracy, god or some other huge topic that you could dedicate a life to analysing)?  Any comments?”.  Raj was asking specific questions in a way that made me think that he actually wanted a response.  This didn’t necessarily mean that he fully listened to people’s answers or refrained from interrupting them, but it was a start.  He addressed Erin and me directly a few times, even taking the trouble to try to learn our names.  He seemed to really be trying to get us involved in some discussion. 

I would not be roped in.  I sat through the whole two hour class in stony silence, perfecting my death stare (which I have been told I’m already pretty good at).  If he asked a question directly I would answer in the least amount of words possible, all the while studying this huge black ant that spent the whole two hours trying to crawl into the power socket on the wall opposite me (the ant never got all the way in, I was quite disappointed as, being in a morose and morbid mood, I was looking forward to seeing what would happen when it reached the electric current). 

I like to think that he looked a bit defeated at the end of the class. I believe that despite his aggressive response to our previous attempt at discussion, he was excited by it and, like us, would like to see a bit more interaction in class.  It was deeply gratifying to deny him of this.  I am keen to have another go at discussion in Raj’s class.  But I’m not ready to forgive him just yet, especially because he never came close to an apology.  It’s pretty immature and petty to punish him like this, but I would not have felt happy with myself if I had have been compliant after the way he made us feel the last time. I’ll be honest – it felt lovely to make him scramble for a response like that.  The rest of the class were not exactly responsive either, so a lot of the time his questions were met with blank stares and thick silence.  On the outside I looked like I was trying to project venom out of my eyes, but on the inside I was grinning.  Spite – ugly but gratifying, sometimes.


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